Fortress Around My Heart
by PatrickMcKinney
Summary: Another songfic about Seto thinking, this time about how he lashes out at people who show him kindness, and more thoughts on Gozaburo. Rated for abuse references.


Fortress Around My Heart

A/N: Another songfic about Seto thinking, this time about how he lashes out at people who show him kindness, and more thoughts on Gozaburo.

I do not own "Fortress Around Your Heart" by sting, although I did change the lyrics slightly. I also do not own yugioh. If I did, this would be on the show, I'd get paid for it, and I woudn't be writing this disclaimer. Thank you.

Another product of random short depression and angst.

Gozaburo said power was everything. And in the business world it was. Weakness was not allowed. It was kill or be killed. He did a very good job beating this concept into me. I can still feel the back of his hand on my cheek, parallel shallow cuts from his rings. My mind was conquered by a power hungry tyrant. A man I once tried to call Father.

_Under the ruins of a walled city  
Crumbling towers and beams of yellow light  
No flags of truce, no cries of pity  
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night_

Driving home from that orphanage, I felt lighthearted for the first time since Mother died... I hoped we would have a better life... I put my trust in him.

_It took a day to build his city  
I ran through its streets in the afternoon  
As I returned across the field's I'd known  
I recognized the walls that he once made  
I had to stop in my tracks for fear  
Of walking on the mines He'd laid_

Moments after I began to trust him, he shattered it. Shattered it as easily as he could and had my bones. Shattered like the wine glasses he threw at me when I didn't leave the room fast enough, laughing as I would break into a run even in the sorry state I was usually in, dodgeing glass fragments as they rained down from above the door, where the glass had hit.

Escape was impossible. After one of Gozaburo's "lessons", I could hardly move, let alone run away. It didn't matter though. I wasn't important. Mokuba was all that mattered, and all I could do was protect him with all my being. But I couldn't protect myself. And I watched, helplessly, as he tore my heart to pieces.

_Here I built this fortress around my heart  
Encircled myself in trenches and barbed wire  
Then let me build a bridge  
For I cannot fill the chasm  
And let me set the battlements on fire  
_

I hoped he would die. I prayed to any god or being out there that he would die... I could never get his constant mantra out of my head...If you are weak you will lose. And you can never lose.

He always won. And I stopped praying, finally convinced there was no one out there, or if there was, they weren't listening. They didn't care. Just like everyone else. There is no God.

He was always trying to get to Mokuba. He knew that if he had Mokuba, he could do anything he wanted. When he tried to do to Mokuba what he did to me, I did what he taught me to. I won. He lost.

_Then I went off to fight some battle  
That I'd invented inside my head  
Away so long for years and years  
You probably thought or even wished that I was dead  
While the armies are all sleeping  
Beneath the tattered flag I'd made  
I had to stop in my track for fear  
Of walking on the mines he'd laid  
_

It took me a long time to realize is what he had made me become. I was emotionless. A machine. Programmed to conquer, and never lose. Never. My walls would never tumble down again. I was invicible.

Yugi changed that. I lost. Lost. The one thing I was not programmed to do. It was then I realized that I had created my own prison. I would have never noticed the bars without Yugi. I have more to thank him for than he knows. But I can't.

_Here I built this fortress around my heart  
Encircled myself in trenches and barbed wire  
Then help me build a bridge  
For I cannot fill the chasm  
And let me set the battlements on fire  
_

I thought I was going to get everything I ever wanted, that day at the orphanage. Now, I realize I have nothing. Nothing. I'd lost everything that day. I was fighting a losing battle, trapped in my own fortress, watching helplessly, as everything inside was burned to the ground. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break through the walls Gozaburo had forced me to create. I couldn't escape. I had too much pride. I realize now that when I killed him, I hadn't won. I had lost. Again. I couldn't win against him. I can't. Yet, for Mokuba I'll try. I must escape my fortress. But I can't do it alone. And I am alone.

_This prison has now become my home  
A sentence I had been willing to pay  
It took a day to build my city  
I ran through its streets in the afternoon  
As I returned across the fields where I'd once played  
I had to stop in my tracks for fear  
Of walking on the mines I'd laid_

Mokuba can't help me, I won't let him get hurt or worry about me. I'm going to make sure he has a life to live, and people who care about him, who can help him when he needs it.

I need help, someone to help me unlock the gates of my mind. Someone to comfort me. Someone who cares. But I'm alone. Because I'm losing.  
  
_Here I built this fortress around my heart  
Encircled myself in trenches and barbed wire  
Then help me build a bridge  
For I cannot fill the chasm  
And let me set the battlements on fire_


End file.
